Can you describe yourself in 3 words? I am… I am sensitive, emotional and driven (aka stubborn). If you could change smth about yourself, what would it be? To learn to process life and emotions w/o having to feel it in my body as discomfort or pain. What is one interesting thing or smth I don’t know about you? I'm a closet hick--love country music, southern charm (aka chivalry), down home cookin', gathering around with friends, playing the guitar, growing my own veggies. Good thing I can have this and live in a liberal community! What is your favorite food or meal? I'm a foodie, so love it all. Love to knead dough and be involved with the food, breakfast is what I often go to bed thinking about and can't wait to get up for the next day. Very fond of summer fruits and fall cuisine. Hearty veggies, squash, risotto, cheese, chocolate, oatmeal, blueberries, fresh juice, tea, beans, grains, mmmmmmmm! What is the first thought that will make you smile? Dogs, cats and birds, esp. dogs. Where would you go/live if money was not an issue? South of France What record would you like to break and why? Feeling the most free, because I often feel trapped by being embodied as a human. What is one thing you’d do if you were completely unafraid? Open a yoga studio and conscious living boutique, apothecary and store. What keeps you going, drives you, inspires you most? People who challenge their fears.

OK, so it seems really simple. Here is the direction I am going, the one that will lead me to my true self and away from the negative feelings. Goddess help me to stay attentive to this mindset, to cultivate it as the seed that will transform my whole life and reveal my being. These are the thoughts that replace the negative ones. Like the north star they will guide me home. •I want to be happy •I want to feel good •I want a happy home life •I want a committed relationship in which to share love and joy •I want a fulfilling and rewarding career

Feeling like I'm bobbing around in the ocean at the moment. It's as if I've been slimed by whatever new energy is out there that is transforming us all. One foot feels in the past, the old ways and patterns, and the other in the future, wherre I'm headed but don't know yet--like I'm pissing on the NOW, because I can't seem to make the step. I know the shell is stopping the flow. That outside hardness is walling up from fear. Of what? I wish I knew. When I meditate on it, I can't even scratch the surface. Even here I find I just get the same old answers. I guess that means I need to ask different questions. And as I go inside to search I feel like I just get lost. Feeling unanchored to myself, and things that normally work to reconnect me, like yoga, are no longer working. Or, I can connect when I'm alone but as soon as I am with others, esp. my intimate relationship, I lose track of myself. Somebody upped the ante while I wasn't looking. I know this is from years of the addictive behavior of a co-dependent. Always trying to make peace in a situation or help others feel good. Means I spent a long time not listening to myself. Now, it's as though I'm straining to hear but b/c I'm trying so hard I can't hear anything at all. Like when you hear a noise at night and you try so hard to hear it that you panick yourself into being scared by anything. What to do? Usually I just sit with it and it works itself out. That hasn't been working either. Hope my Superfriends arrive soon to lift the vibration. I am trying to let that vibration in as I know, in my heart, that it is all around me. So, these feelings are opposite of the direction that I am heading. Instead of getting lost in the negativity that I am feeling I will pivot to a more positive vibration based on an exercise form "Ask and it is Given" I am having negative feelings. They are an opportunity to awaken. This means that I am not where or doing what I want. So I must define what I do want. Must sleep on this and write more tomorrow.

This has been a GIANT year of change. A new energy has come into the Universe and we are all being invited to raise the vibration of the planet, for it's survival and our own. It is only because enough of us have already evolved that we can do this. So, the first question is, "What or how must we evolve?" I believe that we must all evolve to connect with our True Self. We must live life to fulfill our unique purpose--to be and do what we came to be and do. It is a letting go of old ideas and old patterns, releasing things that no longer serve us or the Universe. Like Ananta-shesha, the thousand headed snake who carries the Universe on his hoods, we must shed our skin and allow our Divine nature to emerge to support the world and its inhabitants. This question comes up, "Will we ever be done clearing?" I believe the answer is twofold. First we must clear the behavior and beliefs which are keeping us stuck in pain, discomfort, anger, resentment, fear, etc. As long as we believe we are stuck and have no Divine connection, which is to say do not believe our own Divine Nature, we will always have to clear. For me it was I'm not good enough, I'm inferior, I'm unloveable, I don't know the truth, what I know is not true, etc... After about 7 years of devotion to clearing these things and their roots out, I've now come to a point of changing the pattern. Before I was attempting to clear the discomfort away to no longer feel pain. Though a worthy goal and one I could do fairly well, it stopped there. I was not looking at the bigger picture: I was not looking at the need to move past the clearing, not looking at what comes after that, not believing in my Divine Nature. I have to constantly surrender to the fact that there is a vulnerability to having faith that it will work, my default thinking is fear. We must take our clearing to the next level and not just clear to clear, but clear to evolve and let go of the patterns that create what needs clearing. It is clearing to get out of the endless cycle of clearing, or samsara--being stuck in the flow of repeating patterns and choices but expecting a different result. The other half of the answer is that we will never end this evolution and there will always be some level of clearing. Because we are a constantly evolving and changing, dynamic, expanding Universe we will always be evolving with it. This is what I have come to recently understand: We are surrounded by diversity so that we learn to develop preferences, thoughts and opinions. This is a way to connect to our True Self, to learn who we are, what we believe and what is best for us. Honoring your feelings and thoughts allows you to be more fluid, to step into the flow of life and to align with your Divine nature. As we make choices based on these preferences, on the Truth of who we are, we begin to attract to us things, events, experiences, people that reflect and contain that same energy. As we attract through the vibrations we hold of these beliefs, preferences and thoughts we create our reality. By bringing into existence the physical manifestation of these vibrations we evolve and expand the Universe. Because the Universe has then expanded we have more diversity and therefore have to further refine our preferences and our Selves. So, it is a constant process, one which will never end, an exciting one that is evolution over revolution. Here's to our living Consciously so that we can create what is best for all rather than creating accidentally without even knowing it!

1) What is your philosophy on food? Eat what's fresh/in season, cook for the fun of it and the joy of the taste and how it fulfills you. Be thankful for all those who brought the food to the table, including mother earth and the plants themselves. Nourish the body through great and healthy food to feel better. 2) What's your favorite kind of food? Why? Definitely fresh sruits and vegetables along with whole grains. These seem to reflect the seasons the best and have so much sustenance and flavor. Of course, I like anything prepared with love. 3) What qualities do you seek in the food you eat? It must look good as well as taste good and please don't overcook it. 4) How can you use food in worship/ritual/spiritual practices? Any food prepared with love or the intention of healing is sacred to me. Also, using food for health and sustenance is a way to learn to love yourself on all levels. I reward myself with food sometimes, to help me learn or change unwanted thoughts and behaviors. 5) What is missing in today's eating habits? What's missing in your eating habits? Most people eat too much unhealthy and overprocessed foods. Example: I had a client who at everything out of a box, can, jar, etc. She would slather her sandwiches with mayo and her veggies with ranch dressing. When she started havin heart problems and became significantly overweight she had to change her eating. The problem was she could not TASTE anything after years of desensitizing her tongue with overprocessed foods. Personally, I lack consistency in my eating. I'll eat really well for a while. Then when I get emotional or depressed, when I really need to eat well, I turn to comfort food like ice cream. Optional: 6) Have any favorite recipes you want to share? (Even if you don't cook…) hmmmm. I was looking for one that I can't find. Here is an easy side dish for when it cools off a little. Mix cauliflower florets with olive oil, saffron and salt and pepper. Place on a sigle layer on a cookie sheet and roast for approx. 15 mins @ 425. Turn them and add green olives to the sheet, then roast another 15 mins or so, until the cauliflower begins to brown on the side touching the pan.

Off and on over the years I’ve dreamed about cars. The first car I ever bought completely by myself has always represented my personal power, my ability to take care of myself, to get away from unhealthy things, to represent financial succes or independence. I can always tell whether I’ve given up my personal power by whether I’m driving or someone else is. Last night I dreamed a great dream. I was a passenger in the car this time, so I was not in charge at first. My current boyfriend, Mark, was driving, but he was driving the car of my last boyfriend from about 8 years ago. We were driving in a beautiful Sedona-like valley as if revisiting our old, yet beautiful behaviors and traits and experiences together. I was seeing all the beauty of my past, the tour of the old me, which is in a big transition right now. Then we went up out of the valley into new territory. In real time Mark and I are both strongly working on evolving ourselves, letting go of old stuff and moving forward. We had to cross this crazy scary bridge. It was 300 feet above a river and at least 100 feet across. What was so scary was that the “bridge” was no more than a couple of planks laid across the massive chasm. One misplaced wheel and your toast! We made it across, Mark driving my exes’ car. But on the other side the narrow track was right on the precipce of the cliff. Mark took a turn just a little too wide and we were suddenly floating in space. It was a very slow free fall. I looked over at him and calmly said, “We’re going to crash into the river. We better get the stuff we need. Oh, and don’t forget to roll the windows down so we can swim out.” It was very peaceful and matter of fact. In real time it’s as if to say it doesn’t matter what trauma life throws us we can take what we need and take care of ourselves and move forward. And here the car represents old behaviors. In my case a strong trait I carried in the last relationship that I’ve now rediscovered and am extricating from my current one. The car continued its slow free fall to the river. As it was falling I grabbed my purse, my meditation timer/gong and my watch. I guess the essentials are all there: a way to support myself financially (money) and emotionally (meditation) as well as objects that identify who and where/when I am (ID card and watch). The car landed easily on the river. It gently spun round and ended up floating along near the river bank. I easily jumped out the window without even getting wet. I helped Mark out after me and then it was all over. We walked on to a new place. I’d say I’ve turned a corner. The old unwanted stuff has floated away off down river. It is the beginning of the new me. With calmness and clarity I create what I want and can support myself and those around me. A great sign of things to come.

Thinking about water/food and love. Especiallly after watching "What the bleep?!" and learning how writing and thought change the structure of water as shown by Dr. Emotu. I have been with an Indian saint named Ammachi (http://www.amma.org) at her retreats. Her devotees do all the cooking of vegetarian meals and one of the meals is served by Amma herself, blessed individually for each recipient and handed to them by her. The food in these retreats is the most filling and sustaining ever. I don’t eat that much and yet I feel stuffed the whole time. Supposedly the chefs are saying their mantras while cooking. And the plate personally blessed, it is as if it is talking to you. You sit in a room with hundreds of others and feel almost in a relationship with the food and the blessing therin as well as in love with the whole world. Quite amazing.

I just got back from a morning surf session here in San Diego. My partner, Mark, and I paddled out to a break that he usually goes to but that I am a bit afraid of and tend to avoid. I am a relatively new surfer while he has been surfing since he was a child. Standing on the shore watching the waves and looking for the best place to paddle out, I noticed this uncomfortable feeling rising up out of the fear. I decided to make it a day of learning, to shift my perspective so that I was not searching for perfection but to have more fun and take myself less seriously. As I got more into that state of mind I started to be much more present and in the flow. I took off on a wave, stood up and eeked out a turn just in time to stay on the wave. As I was riding, I passed by Mark who was paddling back out. All I could see was his ear to ear grin as he was hooting and hollering in excitement at my catching the wave. After the wave, I got back to where we were waiting for waves and he said, “That was awesome!” “Really?” I asked. “It just felt like any other wave to me.” “No way,” he said, “that wave was taller than you are, well overhead.” You see, I am still learning to stand up and ride, so I can’t really look around at the wave too much, only just in the direction I’m going. I didn’t know until he told me that that wave was one of the biggest of the time we were out there. I couldn’t really absorb the effects of it bcause I was so caught up in the moment of surfing. But, it was just that Being in the Flow that made him super happy for me. And his eyes brightened, he was surprised I went for it and then even more surprised that I caught it. Isn’t it great that when we are able to be ourselves and in the moment we inspire those around us? Now, I’m high on his joy for me. It’s an ever-increasing joy spiral! May we continue to be in the flow so that we can bring Joy to others even when we don’t know or think we are.

1. What does “JOY” mean to you? What brings joy to your body / heart / mind / spirit? Joy means being at ease or peace with whatever circumstance in which you find yourself. Whether viewed as good, bad, positive, negative, etc. , you are able to accept it. From that acceptance I think there is the ability to have a zest for life, an enjoyment and interaction regardless of outcome or event and, most importantly, the ability to be yourself, the source of all joy and comfort. Also, anything that brings you that sense of peace and being totally and comfortably at home with your Self is Joy. 2. Where do you find “Joy”? What brings you more joy – simple everyday things / special moments / people / events / ideas or one-in-a-lifetime experiences / achievements? Dancing usually does and often my yoga practice. Animals just about always. Sitting on the beach, playing in the ocean. Hugging good friends and loved ones can, so can snuggling with my partner, Mark. I guess all times(gradually growing) where I don't care or it doesn't matter what someone else thinks. 3. Do you give as much joy as you receive? How? I think so, but I must admit that I catch myself doing things to make others happy because I think I should or because it gives me self-confidence to make someone else happy -- both co-dependant traits. I think that also can equal how much joy you let in, i.e. If you are busy always trying to make others happy you probably won't be truly happy in your self (you'll only be happy from the external source of pleasing another) 4. Which joy/s do you treasure most and can’t live without? (In yourself and others) Food, both cooking and eating. Physical contact and deeply personal relationships. 5. Do you believe in the power of joy to heal, inspire and/or transform? Give examples and / or quotes if you want. Sure, joy makes the body feel very good, healthy and alive. If one stays in that state I don't see why it wouldn't heal or transform you.

1) Why is there physical pain? Without pain we would not stop to feel the connection of the body to source. Feeling is the physical manifestation of emotion, a reaction in the body to what we are experienceing. When we are out of alignment with our True Self we create disharmony and eventually pain, then eventually, if unchecked, disease. 2) Do you prefer western or eastern medicine? Why? Definitely eastern, most things can be cured with homeopathic treatments or energy/attitude shifts. 3) Describe your own personal experience with pain. Chronic illness? Trips to doctors? Shamans? Hospitals? Accupuncture? wow, could get long. My first visit to acupuncture was for what I thought was a torn muscle in my hip flexor region. I couldn't even lift up my leg to walk up steps or work the clutch in my car. I was skeptical it would work. Koichi put one needle in my hip flexor and I instantly started weeping. I think for maybe 15 mins this went on, all of the stopped up and repressed things I'd not processed. I left his office like a zombie and went home and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I went to the bathroom and was shocked to discover that I was walking normally. The next day I judged it at 75% back to full strength. 2 more visits and it was near perfect. Ever after that I've been a believer and have used lots of energy workers and homeopathic remedies to treat everything from depression, feeling out of body to a kidney infection. 4) Have you or someone you know been miraculously healed? Don't know if I'd call it a miracle, but I had a couple accidents that severely ruptured a disc at the base of my neck. The doctors all said that the only solution to my numb arm, constant pain and therefore lack of sleep, was to cut my throat open, spread the bones apart, pull out the disc and put ina cadaveric bone, then fuse it all together. I said no thank you very much, I'll find a way to live with it. And, instead, I did lots of traction, little neck curve enhancing exercises, acupuncture, got a new neck roll for a pillow and meditated my ass off. If not for the mediation I wouldn't be here now without pain! Yet another place I'd been holding in my body which will hurt again if I negelect my meditation and yoga practices. 5) What is the biggest healing secret you have learned in your life? It's all in your head. I'm not saying the pain isn't real, I'm saying through investigation we can discover what is keeping us in the pattern of pain.